"It was the absurdity of it all, the farcical nature of the situation, that struck me." - Really honest, Nico, you were really here as only one who was really here could know. I wonder how long that feeling lasted, well, I guess we will find out. 🙏
I often wonder how my perceptions might have shifted if I’d stayed longer in China, Paul. The man I was in my early twenties bears only a passing resemblance to the one typing this now, two decades on. I think this chapter marks a turning point - it stripped away some of the illusion of why I was there and made room for something bigger.
I was happy to lean into the laowai label, not too worried about losing face. Irreverent when I could be, but always trying to respect the culture I was a guest in. I’ll be diving into more of that in the chapters to come.
But I’d really love to know - how has your perspective changed over the years? Was there a moment when you realised you’d always be a laowai, even after building a life there? And to what extent do you just shrug and accept that some things won’t ever shift?
Our experiences were of a kind but different (of course), mine being more intense on this score because I was a customer and placed in a position of power from the start. I was a henchman, not a boss, but I had the decision power. That sharpened the impulse people had to flatter and impress me. I wish I could say I was a good person, but it can go to one’s head. I became angry, cynical, untrusting. We always felt separate. Time has given me some perspective.
"It was the absurdity of it all, the farcical nature of the situation, that struck me." - Really honest, Nico, you were really here as only one who was really here could know. I wonder how long that feeling lasted, well, I guess we will find out. 🙏
I often wonder how my perceptions might have shifted if I’d stayed longer in China, Paul. The man I was in my early twenties bears only a passing resemblance to the one typing this now, two decades on. I think this chapter marks a turning point - it stripped away some of the illusion of why I was there and made room for something bigger.
I was happy to lean into the laowai label, not too worried about losing face. Irreverent when I could be, but always trying to respect the culture I was a guest in. I’ll be diving into more of that in the chapters to come.
But I’d really love to know - how has your perspective changed over the years? Was there a moment when you realised you’d always be a laowai, even after building a life there? And to what extent do you just shrug and accept that some things won’t ever shift?
Our experiences were of a kind but different (of course), mine being more intense on this score because I was a customer and placed in a position of power from the start. I was a henchman, not a boss, but I had the decision power. That sharpened the impulse people had to flatter and impress me. I wish I could say I was a good person, but it can go to one’s head. I became angry, cynical, untrusting. We always felt separate. Time has given me some perspective.
Thank you - and yes, perhaps we’re all actors, though most of us forget we’re in costume. 😊